I'm not the girl I use to be (musicgoddess01) wrote in thousandmiles,
I'm not the girl I use to be
musicgoddess01
thousandmiles

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Do I miss him?

Of course I do as you can probably tell from what I have said in previous entries.I never knew I could say what I said in those letters to Jim.I believe the meds I use to be on for depression may be finally lifting as I am feeling different,a better different,but different none the less.Like I tap into the place I haven't been able to tap into for awhile.The emotional place where I can put my feelings into words and know and feel what I am saying.I believe now when I type I just type or write without holding back so that is where this is coming from.

So what do I miss about Jim?The little stuff really,but maybe the little stuff is really the big stuff because why then would it hurt so much to think or be reminded about it.I remember when he first came here and we went downstairs,we polished the wooden floors we have here,that was one of the first things we did among "couple stuff" which you don't need to know about since it's all lovey-dovey.So anyways,I miss the way he'd touch me,my face the most because I don't know why but I find a touch to the face like a hand to be very romantic and intimate.I miss his green eyes because they are so soft and gentle and beautiful they must've been amazing when he was a child.I loved when I'd pull off the blanket off his face in the morning and see those eyes because they were so welcoming to me,so warm,it makes me smile just thinking about them.I miss his arms being around me anytime and anywhere,it didnt matter.I love how strong and secure I feel in his arms and how if I were tired I could fall asleep with my head on one of his arms.I miss how he'd walk into my room when my sister was gone and crawl into bed with me and we'd both go back to sleep.I still wake up now and then thinking I heard the door open and he'll be coming in to go into my bed.I miss the little stuff like annoying him til I am cute like at Blockbuster,I will never forget that.I still remember how I laughed constantly until Jim and I had almost got to my house and I was laughing pretty hard all the way,I must've looked drunk.I miss laying between his arms on the couch and watching tv with him,not alone.I miss his prescence because then I felt truly loved.I miss how I'd be laying on the bed and him on the computer and he'd pay me a cute visit then go back on the computer coming back shortly for more.I miss holding his hand during a movie and just standing outside waiting for someone to pick us.I miss just watching and looking at him,being amazed that I am with someone as perfect as him.I miss going to my sister's school with him and sitting on the swings with him then hanging out on the playground afterwards.I miss hearing him sing.I miss watching him take care of me even as I got sick and looked as horrible as I could be.I miss him telling me everything will be okay.I miss feeling his arms around me as I would cry.I just miss everything about him.That is why I cry because I miss the small stuff and I wish I could've cherished it more.
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